I miss you already.
It seems like we knew each other forever, but it's only been a few years. I was in awe of you from the moment we actually had a real conversation. You are the most ambitious, successful, self-confident, open, strong, outgoing, friendly, funny person I had ever met. You became my idol and my friend. I want to be you when I grow up, even though we are close to the same age.
We had some good laughs about how I was an accidental witness to your wedding. Well, the wedding party, that is, as you and Will and the group walked down the main drag in Telluride, where I was enjoying a beer festival after a hard day of skiing. I can still see you smiling bright in your beautiful dress.
Then came your pregnancy. Then your news about breast cancer. But you had a plan and we knew you would be okay. How could you not be?
Jack came out healthy and happy and you started your fight. We knew you would win. Nothing ever stood in your way and stayed standing.
When we met up for lunch a few times last summer after you started treatment, you were bald and bold. I don't even think your eyebrows had come back yet! But I didn't even notice after we started talking. There you were, loud and in charge just like always. And my admiration grew even more. I had no doubt you'd be fine. There was no question.
But that cancer was a sneaky thing. Your body was clean but the disease was hiding out in your brain. No problem! You went back in and had it taken out. We all celebrated Jack's first birthday.
When I returned from Europe in May I got the news that the cancer came back to your brain. This time the doctors couldn't get to it. Damn sneaky cancer.
This time, I got mad. It's not fair. I've only known you for a few years and that's not enough. It's not. Goddammit it's not.
If anyone had the connections, the resources, the money and the sheer will to fight this, you did. All that you accomplished in your lifetime came back to you in the form of help and support.
But our faith started to waver and in a rare moment of weakness, so did yours. But your wavering passed and you were going to make it - first to Jack entering Kindergarten, then to his high school graduation. We wanted to believe. We wanted you to believe.
So there we were last month, gathered for your 39th birthday party. You were amazing, loud and in charge as always, even though you looked, well, you looked like someone who was getting the snot beat out of you by this damn disease. I loved you even more.
Off you went to MD Anderson, then to Harvard, trying to find a treatment.
You came home. Stupid cancer decided to show up in your liver. What the fuck, Cancer?! Don't you know when to get out?
Today I got the news. You're gone.
I take some comfort in the fact that you lived life to the fullest and you lived it hard. You never squandered a moment. Not one single moment. Did you ever actually sleep, my dear? You fought with every fiber of your being. A lesser person wouldn't have made it as long as you lasted in this fight. Your family will never want for love, support and help.
I've been reliving every precious minute I was lucky enough to spend in your glory. Your coming into my life was a wondrous gift.
I'd say, 'may you rest in peace', but c'mon, rest and peacefulness aren't your style. I fully expect you to be causing a commotion somewhere out there. Someone bigger than life can never be really gone.
So I'll just say, thank you for letting this lowly soul into your circle of friends, if only for a brief moment of your time.
I wouldn't be a liar
No i wouldn't be a liar if i told you that
When things are all you think of
And plans are all you make
and thoughts are all you dream of
your falls are all you take
look out the world's destroying you
relax it isn't fair
mother nature's disposition
she don't mind, she don't care
and I wouldn't be a liar
if I told you that
Passing over, passions pour, passing everything
I wouldn't be a liar
if I told you that
It takes up all of your life
these decisions you make
it takes up all of a day
making them all
Well i sat on the patio
while the pianos were being tuned
forget about it all for a little while
she don't mind she dont care
and I wouldn't be a liar
if I told you that
You see, it seems minor to me
it seems minor
If this isn't grand I don't know what is.
Show us your favorite local restaurant.
Andrea Kristina's Bookstore & Kafé is probably my favorite place in Farmington. It has good food, a quirky atmosphere, lots of great events, and books! One of the regular events is the Mensa Brunch & Browse, which is usually the first Saturday of each month at approximately 11 AM. Heidi told me they may start extending breakfast availability past 11, but for now, you have to get there before 11 if you prefer breakfasty brunch to lunchy brunch. This is a public event, no membership required, so stop by if you're in the neighborhood. (Look for Pigwidgeon, our little plush mascot.) We just munch and chat, sometimes about books, sometimes not. And we shop. In addition to books, AK's carries music and jewelry and art and teapots and handpuppets....
Well I spent most of the afternoon writing a very specific and concrete critique of the parenting class for the woman who found my blog where I talked (about her partner mostly) in the most unglowing terms. Hubby read my critique and made a few suggestions and I thought they were pretty good so I worked them in. It dealt with the troubling issues of the presentation of the material in a direct and concrete (and respectful) way. I am actually pretty proud of how it turned out BUT it was not something I really had time for today. It was important though, and I felt I owed her that much at least after what I’d said about the class on my adoption blog. At some point I’ll go back and update the blog to cover both a critique and a synopsis of the situation for those who don’t understand why chunks of my adoption blog went missing overnight.
I hired a lady today to wrap soap for me. She can do it from her home while she cares for the little ones. She seems excited about it and wonders if I’ll have enough to keep her busy. I’m curious about that myself. She’s a neat person and I’m happy to help. They have some serious medical bills associated with some of the needs their children have and it’s hard to make the dollars stretch. So wrapping soap doesn’t sound like all that much fun, but there will be other kinds of work as well. I can’t believe I’m an employer again. Wild, huh?! Who knew it would happen this quickly?! I can keep her busy if I get my own work done. And there IS plenty of work to be done.
I haven’t gotten back to the manuscript and I’m struggling with that. I’d really love to have three days at a room in a hermitage somewhere with a stocked fridge and a bathroom of my own and good lighting. Oh, and there needs to be room to pace the floor. But that's about it.
I’ve gotten a little more work completed on my website today. It’s slow work but every update makes me feel like I’m getting somewhere. I still can’t decide on whether to continue to use Etsy to sell or start using a PayPal shopping cart. There are many options to consider and I really do want to be able to sell from my own website without paying through the nose for the programming end of things. It pretty much needs to be something I can continue to run myself for now.
I made some of the cutest cupcake soaps today! It will be interesting to see how people respond to them at the show on Saturday. I don’t think I’ve posted photos of my gourmet line of soaps here, maybe I’ll add in a few photos for the fun of it. They all smell SO yummy!
Poor tuxboy is asleep and looking not so good. It breaks my heart.
We've decided not to wait till he clogs up again and has to have emergency care -- we're going to let him recover from this for a week or so and then have the surgery done.
Him's got another week of antibiotics and 3 days worth of kitty gatorade mix -- electrolytes, amino acids, proteins. I think he's going to have to deal with being confined to his room.
I committed a hangin' offense today at work -- I came back from vacation without treats for the office. (I'm the one who tells the new hires about the treats rule, so color me embarrassed). There was a good excuse, though. I wanted to get Boston Baked Beans candy for them all (like jaypo got for us all in Boston -- yay!), and was going to pick them up at the airport, but when I got through the security, there was no little mall or concourse or even damn souvenir shop on the other side, you turned a corner and there was one crummy little waiting room for Air Canada flights, and nothing else. Like the dead end in the mouse maze. I came home treatless, except for the last pack of Cap'n Crook's Smarties.
So I went in to work today and fessed up on e-mail. But promised them "Boston-themed treats" tomorrow. I dashed out to the nearest specialty candy store and they had one, count 'em, ONE little box of Boston Baked Beans, but I had my plan.
Red velvet cupcakes!
Boston-themed, because Mariser and Lord Kalvan brought me all those cake mixes to Boston from the red state. And I had just enough candy in the one little box to garnish them.
Yay! The office is saved! Or perhaps, my ass is. BTW, people in the office were asking, "how was that thing you did in Boston?", and were genuinely amazed when I said how well it went meeting the peeps. (Okay, I didn't say "peeps" to them.) They said, "how brave" and "how adventurous" it was to go and meet a bunch of people I only knew off the internet, but you know what? It wasn't. From start to finish, everything about it seemed just fine and natural. I guess they're thinking of a different internet than mine.
Beautiful.
Bleh!
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